If you’re reading this, please don’t tell me that you read this post. Thank you!

  • October 6, 2024: I get a phone call from my mom telling me that my grandpa is in the hospital, and she’ll be departing for Taiwan to see him in a couple days.
  • October 11: I return home for Fall Break. I took care of a few things I needed to do, but mostly did homework over the break.
  • Week of October 20-26: I’m informed that my mom will be staying in Taiwan for a couple more weeks.
  • October 28: I call my mom to ask how my grandpa and the family are doing.
  • November 2: I’m informed that my grandpa passed away.

Prior to these events I usually wasn’t very expressive with my emotions, but during and after these events, it probably got worse - I felt like a rock. I still have that same sense of not knowing what I’m doing.

Compared to some of my friends I’m kind of a quiet, and dare I say it - boring - person…

I’m not able to formulate my thoughts that effectively, so when I listen into conversations that sound interesting, I listen in silence and wish I had something to say.

That sense of dread really hits harder after these events for some reason.

I’ll just try to keep my eyes open. My grandpa’s passing hasn’t directly affected my ability to succeed in college, but it’s definitely made me think a whole lot more.

  • October 30: I find Womp Womp in my YouTube recommended, and alongside it Tanger’s new album Prefer not to say
  • November 4: I start commenting on each individual track video as they come out, something I rarely do
  • November 13: I join Tanger’s discord

I knew who Tanger was because some of their music’s been featured in a lot of popular Geometry Dash levels. I’m a casual fan of electronic music, but I don’t really tell anyone that. What really drew my attention were the thumbnails of her new album.

Last year (Winter 2023) my family went on a trip to Taiwan, Hong Kong, and Japan as a bonus. While we’re not doing that this year, I can’t help but reminiscence the scenery and snapshots of those places.

And with my mom in Taiwan to be there for my grandpa, and me staying back at UVA, these thumbnails helped me feel slightly better. A story through the streets of Japan - while not quite Taiwan, it’s close enough.

My personal favorite? strangers once again. A song about a girl with amnesia. Sometimes I just want to forget certain things.

I realize that the community surrounding Tanger’s music is mostly members of the LGBTQ community. I know that most people won’t do this, but I’m scared some people might start to think I might be LGBTQ myself because I’ve been talking in their discord. Additionally, another friend group I’m in online has a significant transgender demographic…

The answer is no. I’m just here for the good tunes. Just because I talk to people in these communities doesn’t mean I’m one of them myself. A salad bowl!

So we’ll just keep this my little online secret.